Pithy Player Profile or 'Spot the Blocker'

Bickley, A

Many will be aware of his chicken rearing, however his several brace of ducks so dented his average that he had to score over 100 runs in his last innings to equal last year's average. Bowls ok but fields like an arthritic giraffe, with a thyroid problem. Player most likely to argue with the umpire.

Brock, R

Mr Dependable, unless saturated in alcohol which contributed to his only dismissal. Played with his usual élan and kept his head while all around lost theirs. Captained with nouse and guile. Shame we never won when he was playing. Player most likely to be let down by the rest of us.

C.M

Played one friendly game. Scored lots of runs. Player most likely to have a reputation.

Chambers, J

Seldom seen this year perhaps to spare his father further embarrassment. Player most likely to embarrass everybody by being so good for his age.

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Chambers, S

A player with potential who can get cruelly over looked. His bowling has improved but he gets little opportunity to show us and, on his day, he can score useful runs. It's just the blocking thing he lacks but he's in good company. Player most likely to improve.

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Cowell, D

AKA the Bell Boy. The Staplefield Hilton and its comely manageress kept him away from the pitch this year. However when present he's always value for money. Cheap too. Player most likely to have you laughing with him.

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Cowell, I

A serious cricketer. His fielding is legendary. His bowling threatening. His batting a hotch potch as he, by his own admission, does not know how to block. Player most likely to test the stumpy.

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Crosta, G

Father of a nation. Had, despite the rarity of his appearances, a good year. Just a shame he plays better for his works team than us. Player most likely to be a traitor.

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Doren, P

Our leg man had another good year only narrowly missing his target of 200 runs (in all forms of our game) by 11. If only he had had one more innings. Always oral behind the stumps. Player most likely to shout "Bowlers end."

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Fletcher, B

Who?

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Gnome

He takes wickets, he scores runs, he holds catches, he drinks. But only does one to excess. Player most likely to be surprised.

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Godsmark, J

Our very own bowling tyro who has been cured of his habit of running back to his mark as quickly as he runs from it. Player most likely to be embarrassed.

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Greenfield, R

Our legal eagle. Player most likely to have an IQ.

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Griffin, B

An other dependable. Can bat & block. Can bowl & catch. But seems to spend most of his time in the field on his knees. Player most likely to be sponsored by Persil.

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Hunter, P

Following last year's rave review, and award, Paul disappeared with out a trace. Only turning out for one show boating performance at the Cuckfield away game. Sent son George to fill his boots and Fenella to distract us. Smoke & mirrors which did not compensate for his absence. Player most likely to require a name badge.

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Ireland, G

Following his miraculous recovery from a career threatening injury his mature head on an even more mature body was evidenced by his cool, calm, collected batting. Player most likely to model himself on the six million rupee man.

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Langridge, B

A really good bowler with a fast whippy action. Player most likely to push the Payne barrier.

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Langridge, J

Our tame umpire. Having cut his 'umpiring teeth' on the junior game can sometimes get confused when determining the 'natural ark of the player', the length of the wicket and the size of the players. Umpire most likely to smile as he gives you out.

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Payne, N

The opening bowler of choice. Always as reliable as he is accurate. Despite this year's award, he was unlucky not to have more wickets. Like many of our players, with bat in hand its hit out or get out. But not usually in that order. Fields with complete disregard to the laundry bill. Player most likely to give 110%.

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Petersen, P

Our very own bowling PP, rather than batting KP. As ever claimed the most wickets. Nearly bowled the most overs. But conceded the most runs. An all rounder in so many ways. Player most likely to contribute.

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Reid, D

Player most likely to tax you.

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Reid, N

Player most likely to try and wind you up.

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Richardson K

Worked hard in the off season to improve his game, and with some success. If only something could be done about his biggest handicap, that bloody dog. Player most likely to hide in the field.

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Rowland, J

Can do just about anything (on the cricket pitch!) with consummate ease. He even impressed as a stand in stumpy after Stu used his head. Shame he likes cycling so much. Player most likely to be missed.

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Sadler, F

Always full of reluctant enthusiasm. Player most likely to do the unexpected.

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Stevenson, R

Our Carry on Cricketer. Had a very good year with the bat (you will not read that much in this review) until cruelly dismissed lbw when 2m in front of his stumps. His confidence was duly shattered but you'd never know. Player most likely to be laughed at.

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Waghorn, D

A player who doesn't give a fuss. Player most likely to tell you what you got wrong. Some people never leave work.

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Waghorn, M

Every team has fans and ours is no exception, he is their pin up and their 'Darling'. Somewhat bizarrely almost racked up as many ducks as Andrew but still contributed many useful performances. Seems to have only one shot in his locker, which is more than can be said for most. Player most likely to pull & drive.

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Wingfield Digby...., W

Don't mention the war. He has an aversion to expensive German metalwork. Player most likely to target something.

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The Tainted Ladies Eleven

No lady likes her stats to be public knowledge so modesty will prevail.

Bickley, Sara

(AKA Dotty) Too terrified of the ball, the bat, the grass & her image. Player most likely to be wearing Gucci "darling" on the wicket.

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Butler, Sam

By day a mild mannered primary school teacher. In her spare time a church warden. On the pitch a vain glorious cheat. Player most likely to believe in Maradona's hand of god.

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Payne, Francesca

Our resident have a go Harriet. Player most likely to have a brain. Whether she puts it to use is another matter.

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Stevenson, Gill

Mad, bad & sad but don't let her know. Player most likely to be in your face.

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Laura & Emily

The only players to take the day seriously.

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Special Mention

Gill, Nikki & Sue

As ever we most remember the back room staff Gill & Nikki as well as the indispensable Sue without whom our memories would be unsullied by the truth.

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Carol

Also Carol, the cottage cake lady, deserves a special mention for the fabulous faire she provides.

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Angie & Peter

Finally our collective thanks to Angie & Peter without whose patronage we'd be drinking in the Fountain!

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